The Business of Being Born Message Board

Baby’s Birth Date: February 27, 2007
Tuesday, 3:00am

Birth Story: I woke up to some slight contractions that didn’t really alarm me at first. For the previous two days, I’d been having them on and off, so I didn’t think too much of them. By around 3:30am, I noticed that they were coming in a pattern of about 5 to 7 minutes, so I decided to wake up my fiance Kenneth, and let him know what was going on. We stayed in bed for a while and just kept track of the timing between contractions. By 4am, I was getting very uncomfortable, so we got out of bed and Kenneth made us a yummy breakfast. We thought we would ultimately get back to bed and sneak in a nap before things got started. We were wrong. My contractions were now coming at 5 minutes apart consistently. Ken and I didn’t want to call the midwife too early, so we decided we’d stick it out till at least 7am before paging her.

Hi this is Kenneth. I’m going to leave the major narration to Carmen but I thought that the birth story wouldn’t be complete without some insights from my perspective. I’ll do my best to make my experience whole to you while not jarring you too much from Carmen’s story (but that’s probably going to happen anyway). When Carmen woke up at 3am I was tired and annoyed. Not at her but at the fact that I was going to have to get up and stay up at 3 in the morning. We quickly realized that we weren’t getting back to sleep so we moved to the living room to be more comfortable. I took a picture of the front of the cable box to commemorate the time. It was 4:04am.

6:50am
We paged our midwife, Joan, to let her know that the contractions were consistent and coming closer together. She advised us to take it easy and rest and much as possible, as things would most likely take a while, and told us she would check in within the hour to see how things were going.

Hours before we called Joan we realized that firm steady pressure at the sides of Carmen’s lower back during her contractions really helped her deal with the discomfort. It may have actually been closer to outright pain, but you’d have to ask Carmen to be sure. I didn’t think Joan needed to come over yet and Carmen agreed. I remembered our teacher of our birth classes saying that when she arrives at the birth site of one of her clients it’s a landmark moment. People tend to expect something to happen once a midwife or doula arrives so she liked to get there as close to the critical time as possible. Our teacher said that the novelty of a midwife’s presence can wear off and be replaced by frustration if birth or obvious progress doesn’t soon follow.

8:00am
For some reason I was thinking that at any moment the contractions would stop and this would be yet another false alarm that would leave me feeling more frustrated than I already was. I felt crampy and had some back pain. Since this is my first baby, I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling were active or early labor pains. I was still in good spirits and was simply hoping that things would continue to progress.

Well, I wasn’t tired anymore. By this time we had eaten and settled into a routine of contractions, counter pressure (me!), rest, and repeat. Since that 3am beginning the contractions had been at 3-4 minutes apart and was still in that range around 8am. During this and the next few hours I lived in 3 minute intervals. Bathroom breaks, eating, drinking, rest. All of it had to be done during those 3 minute breaks.

Sometime between 9am and 11am
Kenneth and I were communicating back and forth with the midwife on how things were going. My contractions were intensifying and were 4 minutes apart. My water hadn’t broken yet, so we all still assumed that we had a long way to go. By this time my discomfort was bordering on painful, so Kenneth started giving me massages and making suggestions on positions to try to make me a bit happier. We went back and forth between the bathtub and the living room and at some point I remember pushing up against the walls to get some counter pressure going.

Thankfully time loses its usual weight. I guess it’s like being lost in any intense task. You just don’t notice how much time has passed until you look at the clock. This is a blessing. I recommend that you don’t wear a watch during these active labor moments. Looking at a clock can be like that cervical exam to check for dilation. If it’s not as much or as late as you expected you’ll be discouraged. In this time Carmen and I focused on timing contractions and staying as comfortable as possible. For hours we didn’t even time contractions. I don’t know what we did then.

11am to 3pm
I was NOT a happy camper by this point. Kenneth was hard at work providing words of encouragement and massaging my back throughout each and every contraction. We were still in touch with our midwife but we were holding off on having her come over in the fear that it was still too early. Walking was becoming difficult and there wasn’t really anything that was taking the edge off the contractions that were steadily becoming more and more overwhelming.

Carmen is short. Not like midget short but I’m about 6′-1″, maybe 6′-2″ and she’s plenty shorter than me. I mention this because my wrists were so freaking sore from pushing on her back with my palms but she was still pushing back on me with force from god knows where. Thank god I could use some leverage on her. If she was closer to my size I don’t know what I would have done. Maybe used my feet. Wow, if I had thought of that then I would have tried it.

3:30pm
Our midwife, Joan, and her assistant, Denise, were on their way over by this time. Once they arrived, Ken was able to take a quick break and run over to the grocery store to get us some snacks. Joan and Denise started getting the apartment ready by laying down pads and sheets and making me as comfortable as possible. The contractions were still at 4 minutes apart and it was taking my full concentration to breathe through them and not let the pain completely take over me.

While Joan and Denise were on their way we realized we didn’t have much snack food around so I left to get this soy protein drink that we both like and something to snack on. I settled on granola and got a coffee for Joan. I’m not a coffee drinker but would have run through traffic for a Redbull and OJ earlier that morning. Unfortunately I didn’t have one in the house but if I could go back and stock up that would definitely be on the list of things to get.

4pm to 6pm
By the time Joan did her first internal exam on me, we were both surprised and pleased to discover that I was already at a little over 9 centimeters dilated. The only thing that was slowing down the process what that my bag of waters had not yet ruptured. Kenneth was still playing the role of ’super doula’ by providing counter pressure against the intensifying contractions. While Kenneth was focused on taking care of me, Joan and Denise were taking care of us both by making suggestions for positions and making sure we both had enough to eat and drink. We tried the tub, walking, leaning over on the bed, being on all fours in front of the couch, and even sitting on the toilet for a while. Since none of these options were successful at getting my water to break, Joan and I decided to go ahead and break them artificially. This would be the only medical intervention I would need for the entire labor.

These were the most difficult hours for Carmen. The contractions were coming fast and hard and frustration was settling in. I did my best not let on but during these times I began to wonder if the home birth would happen. For hours Joan’s instructions weren’t to push but to instead let the contractions happen by themselves. Carmen’s water didn’t break on its own so Joan punctured it; that however caused Carmen’s cervix to close up some so we lost dilation. It was a very difficult time and we weren’t certain how it would turn out.

6pm to 7pm
Holy crap-o-la! Things were so intense at this point I can’t even begin to describe what was going on. It seemed like time was standing still just as much as it was flying by. The people around me were doing all they could to provide me with support and encouragement, but at this point I was tired and starting to wonder if this was ever going to be over. After walking around the apartment and trying a slew of different positions, Joan did another internal exam which showed that I was making some progress, but not too much. She suggested I lie in the bed and try another position that would allow me to rest better between contractions (I have a feeling I was looking pretty beat by this point). She and Denise got the bed ready and helped Ken and I get as comfortable as possible. I’d started getting the urge to push a bit, so Kenneth and Joan positioned themselves so that I would have as much leverage as possible so as not overexert myself.

After hours of effort and many different positions we’ve ended up on our bed. For a time I sat behind Carmen and she sat in between my spread legs; kind of like we were sharing a sled down a winter hill. Carmen was pushing her hardest with the contractions and doing a great job. Joan told us she was making good progress and even saw the very barest beginning of crowning at times. During a push Carmen grabbed at the top of my thighs and dug her nails right in. It hurt like….well, finish that however you like; but I didn’t say anything about it. That would have been wussy considering her going through labor and all, right? But I did just mention it now. It really hurt though. Anyway, this was a very tough time. We seemed really close but still weren’t done.

7:15pm
Joan did another internal exam and informed me that I was making some progress, but not too much. She estimated that it would still be several more hours before the baby would be born. Upon hearing this, I totally lost it. Tears of exhaustion and frustration poured out of me and for a very brief moment, I questioned whether or not I could do it. Thankfully, I was surrounded by positive, loving energy. I clearly remember Joan’s loving words as she stroked my hair and assured me that I could do this and that it was okay to feel all that I was feeling. Having encouraging words whispered to you at your weakest time is the greatest thing anyone could ever do. Kenneth’s loving touches, Joan’s validation of what I was feeling, and Denise’s positive words of encouragement made all the difference in the world.

I have to disagree a little with Carmen’s recollection here. I don’t remember Joan saying it would be hours yet. Joan was of course non-committal about time but I thought she let it be known that it wasn’t going to be too much longer. Either way it was tough but Carmen was doing a great job. She doubted herself a little at this point but that was after 16 hours of hard work.

7:26pm
After pushing for what seemed like forever but what was actually no more than a few minutes, my baby girl was born. Somehow, somewhere, the strength to get my baby out took over me and suddenly there she was. There was a moment of pristine silence where everything around me seemed absolutely surreal. As soon as she was born, Joan placed her on my chest and I immediately started to sob uncontrollably. Denise wrapped baby Kai and I in warm blankets and towels that were fresh out of the oven while Joan made sure that there was no hemorrhaging and that the baby was breathing on her own. Baby Kai and I remained attached for almost an hour while her umbilical cord finished its job and was ultimately clamped and cut.

Carmen surprised us all by pushing Kai out just then. Minutes earlier I had taken a break for some water and a bite of granola in the kitchen. During that, Denise and I talked about how much longer it would be and we both hoped it would be just another hour. But maybe 10 minutes later Carmen did it and Kai was here.

The bonding that occurred that day far surpassed that of a mother and child. Words cannot describe how much more I love and respect Kenneth. Joan and Denise are now considered to be family members rather than my midwife and her assistant. After giving birth, they helped me into the shower and bathed me, an experience that was humbling and beautiful all at the same time. They helped me dress and Denise ordered pizza. We enjoyed some wine while baby Kai was weighed, measured, and received her first check-up. By the time Joan and Denise left, the apartment was completely spotless and you would have never known that a homebirth had just taken place.

The wine was my idea. Alcohol’s another thing to make sure to have on hand.

And then there were three.
Kenneth, Kai, and I were in the comfort of our home taking in the whole experience. Just that morning it was two of us and now, sixteen hours later, here we were with a precious little life that we had created out of love. She was born exactly how and where she needed to be born; at home and among people who loved her.