The Business of Being Born Message Board

I had been petrified of pregnancy and labor all of my life. I was hoping to adopt. However, my husband was determined to have a child of his own. As I got older I was more afraid. During my early 20s I had the opportunity to meet two midwives and they made me curious about the possibility of having a baby in that manner. It turns out that what I am really terrified of is hospitals. I couldn’t imagine being wheeled to my room, tied to the bed and completely at the mercy of people I didn’t know and who had a different agenda. I wouldn’t consider myself a control freak, but I do like to control whatever has to do with my body. I control what goes into it and what and how something comes out of it. The moment the pregnancy test was positive, I went online to find a Birthing Center I had passed by often. Luckily they had moved much closer to my house…My husband was nervous about my idea at first, but after visiting the center, he insisted that this could be our only choice. During the prenatal visits I could ask all sort of silly questions and I felt free to express all of my fears. I wasn’t made to feel stupid. The visits lasted as long as I needed them to be. They had wonderful classes and amazing staff.

I was 5 days late and was considering using primrose and having sex to naturally induce the labor. As I lay there considering this option, I felt a wave move up my spine. These started coming 4 minutes apart from the very beginning. Around midnight and in the dark, since it was after Hurricane Wilm, we headed to the center. I was only 2 centimeters so I decided to go home and try to get some rest. I could not sleep of course and got up at 6am to make cafe con leche for our parents who were sleeping on the couches. We headed back to the center and decided to stay this time. My husband drove to Starbucks and Einstein’s Bagel and brought breakfast for the family and all of the midwives and students. It is hard to understand for anyone who has given birth at a hospital, but we were having a great time, eating and drinking. I walked around, slow danced with my husband and supported myself on a birthing ball throughout the contractions. I would let them just wash over me as I relaxed all of the muscles in my body and took breaths of four counts each. My labor was 15 hours. It felt like running a marathon. I took sips of water and kept going, trying to go deeper into myself and meditate through the pain. The midwives fanned me, massaged me and took breaths with me. I played a cd of ocean waves to help me relax. I remember a point where the contractions were so intense that I thought it was time, but since I could still speak they told me that it was not time yet. At that point thoughts of asking for an epidural went through my mind. I wasn’t sure if they would think it was as funny as I did. Once I couldn’t speak anymore…it was time.

Pushing was the most traumatic experience for me. In my subconcious I just didn’t believe that I was going to be able to push him out. I was always told that my vagina was very narrow. I pushed faithlessly and with no real control. Then I heard, “I see the head”. Those were the most encouraging and frightening words I have ever heard. I knew there was no turning back now so I gave it my all and out he came. They said reach down and pull him out. I wanted to but didn’t want to at the same time. I reached down and picked him up and placed him on my chest.

I should mention that all of this time I was being filmed to appear in Discovery Health’s House of Babies Series, which was about the Maternity Center.

I can’t imagine having a baby any other way. Experiencing each stage of labor is the one thing in my life that has made me feel truly alive. It is as if at that moment when you are bringing life into this world, you are also being granted the awareness of your own existence.