The Business of Being Born Message Board

Q: My husband and I have decided that we would like to have another child or even children (I have a set of fraternal twins already and have been told on numerous occasions that I would have a set of triplets in the future by all sorts of people). Because of the over management of my pregnancy my twins were delivered 8 weeks early. I did however win the battle to have a vaginal delivery. I have done so much research now and have made the personal decision that I want to have a home birth. I am having a hard time convincing my husband that this is a safe and wise decision. My question is what can I do to help him see that this is safe, he has watch the movie “The Business of Being Born” but is still unsure. I just don’t know how to help him see that it will be safe.

From Christa

A: Dear Christa,

It is very important for partners to be supportive of each other and have faith in the birth process, regardless of the setting. Almost all midwives would agree that a supportive environment facilitates a much easier labor and birth than one in which a member of the birth team feels forced or that his or her voice is not heard.

That being said, it is important that your husband is not strong-armed into going along with your birth plan but will ideally come to that choice himself. In my experience, I have found that this kind of understanding can come in three areas: research, shared experience, and exploring fears.

There are plenty of published studies that conclude that birth at home with a trained provider and a low-risk pregnancy is indeed a safe option. If you have come across these in your own research, you should share these with your husband. This is helpful for people who can relate to numbers when they see that there are no more poor outcomes at home than there are in hospitals. There are far more studies concluding home birth is safe than there are studies suggesting that it’s unsafe.

Research aside, people often find it extremely helpful to learn through shared experiences of others. I believe is the best way we can relate to each other. Don’t hesitate to call some midwives in your area and ask them for references, especially couples who chose to have their first home birth. I have plenty of new home birth dads who later volunteer to answer questions from couples considering home birth because they have already gone through that decision-making process themselves and can share their experience. I find this to be the most helpful of all.

My last topic I like to explore is what a person’s actual fears are surrounding home birth. First of all, one should realize that their midwife is their guardian to a safe birth and should be observant to acknowledge and manage any risk factors that develop before or during labor. Still, so many fears are very vague and based on misinformation or events that have been sensationalized by the media. Sometimes fears are rational. Often, they are not rational and are directly related to outcomes that happen after certain interventions that would never be performed in the home in the first place (pitocin during labor, epidural anesthesia, etc.). Only after really questioning these fears does one realize if they are valid or not.

Again, it’s important to have a confident birth team, and you are already taking the first steps to achieve that.

I wish you both the very best,
Amy Willen, CNM